You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
