I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
