i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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