Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
