I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Be still, my beating vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
