They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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