Can Purell be used as lube?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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