Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
