Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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