i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
