apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
