So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
