We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
