I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
