I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
