so let's talk penis.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
