LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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