tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
