Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He shit in the fireplace
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
