Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
