Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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