my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
