Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
