She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize