so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
