Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize