oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
