Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize