I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
