This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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