This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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