Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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