1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
