My hand turned me down
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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