Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
