you would pick up someone in the library
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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