We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i think my cat just said my name.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
