so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
