Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
