Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
