I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
