guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
