What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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