I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
