YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize