Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
