Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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