So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i dont even know how to be here
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize