grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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