And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
