fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
