I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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