i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
