I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
