I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
