I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
