Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
