What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
