Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
