I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
