I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
