i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
