I was born with a shot glass in my hand
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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