someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
