Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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