So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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