sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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