Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
