every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
