know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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