the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
