How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
