i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
