I'm jealous of your bromance
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
