theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
