so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
