my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
