last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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