you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You are the jesus of drinking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
