I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
