saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
