Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me

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(716): View more from New York

An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready

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(217): View more from Illinois

you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot

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(607): View more from New York

She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home

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(360): View more from Washington

All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.

(225): View more from Louisiana

2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.

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(706): View more from Georgia

He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.

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