Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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