Whod you bang
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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