please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Houston, we have a blender
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize