The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wear drunk well.
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