One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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