The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
