I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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