we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
