Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
