I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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