i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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