woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
