I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
